


Yadda Yadda

by museofspeed



Category: Cable and Deadpool, DCU, DCU - Comicverse, Marvel
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-01
Updated: 2010-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-05 13:53:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/museofspeed/pseuds/museofspeed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nightwing and Deadpool have a very chatty fight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yadda Yadda

**Author's Note:**

> So MuseOfSpeed _entirely accidentally_ got herself duct taped to a chair again. That means it's up to me to give the notes! So, do re mi fa so la ti do! There are your notes! ...nothing? Come on, that was hilarious! Music jokes never get old! Ugh, you probably are a viola player or something. They just curl into a ball and cry when you make music jokes at them. It's cause they automatically assume they're the target. Speaking of which, what's the difference between a viola player and a mercenary? We only use violin cases! Come on, you think we'd stoop so low as to use a viola case to carry our weapons? That would be WAY more suspicious than just walking around armed. Really. Oh! RIGHT! This was originally written for the dc_kink meme. Here's [the prompt](http://community.livejournal.com/dc_kink/491.html?thread=29163#t29163), blah, blah, I HOPE YOU GET CHOKED TO DEATH WITH VIOLA STRINGS.

"Y'know, as a Fabian Nicieza created character, I feel obliged to mention that your butt looks really good in those tights," Deadpool said casually. He checked his pouches. Damn, out of bullets and grenades.

"...thank you," Nightwing said politely. "Yours isn't half-bad either. Red's kind of my favorite color."

"Ooooh, like blood!" Deadpool drew his katanas and jumped forward.

Nightwing caught the blades on his escrima sticks and twisted them away. "No, more like the hair color."

"Can't fault you on that one. Ever seen Siryn?"

"Starfire."

"Touche." Deadpool managed to land a kick. "I never got that name, by the way. Starfire. I mean, she isn't made of plasma, she doesn't have any thermonuclear stuff going on--"

"But you can't deny she's hot." Nightwing brought both escrima sticks into the side of Deadpool's head.

"Do I look like I'm denying it? I mean, have you _seen_ the size of her--" Nightwing slammed a knee into his groin. "Hair! The size of her hair!" He winced and stumbled backwards a little. "That was uncalled for."

"Hey, no one talks about Starfire's... hair around me and expects not to get some serious asskicking." He stepped forward. "Are you gonna yield?"

Deadpool shrugged. "Yeah, okay."

Nightwing approached. "Look, you can't kill people in my city. I have to take you in--"

"PSYCHE!" Deadpool jumped up and drove a sword into Nightwing's leg. Nightwing shouted and fell back.

"See, you're good, but I'm gonna win, you know why?"

"Enlighten me," Nightwing grunted.

"Caaaause I don't care how bad I hurt you, and I'll heal from any damage." Deadpool crouched over him. "You're holding back cause you're all 'Oh, I cannot kill! For killing is Wrong and Bad and I am Good!' But me? Well," he yanked his sword out of Nightwing's leg. "no such worries."

Nightwing winced and struggled up. "So you're saying you'll win because I'm holding back and you heal all damage?"

Deadpool nodded. "Yep! That's it exactly!"

"Well, I have a question for you."

"What?"

"Do you ever stop talking?"

Deadpool blinked under his mask. "Huh?"

"I mean, I know I'm pretty bad--"

"Bad? You're great! You've got some quality banter going on there. Someone knew what they were doing when they started writing you."

"Uh, right," Nightwing gave him a strange look. "but seriously, you're doing the whole laying out your evil strategy thing. You realize that now I know that I don't _have_ to hold back? I can hit you as hard as I want and it won't kill you." He pulled a batarang out and threw it full force at Deadpool's head.

Deadpool's head whipped back as the batarang lodged itself in his skull. He yanked it out. "Owie," he said. "You know, maybe I didn't think this thing through."

"You betcha." While Deadpool was distracted with the batarang, Nightwing had pulled out a field bandage and slapped it on the wound. It would stop him from losing too much blood until he could get it properly treated. "Ready for round two?"

Deadpool frowned and thought about it. "You know, you kinda talk a lot too. Cause now I know what your evil--" Nightwing gave him a look, "Okay, _good,_ geeze, plan is, so I can totally figure out a way to beat you!"

"Uh huh. Well, let's hear it." Nightwing crossed his arms and looked at him expectantly.

"Wellll..." Deadpool pulled his mask up to free his mouth, thinking hard. "Ummm. Oh! I know!" He launched himself at Nightwing.

"Wha-?" Nightwing threw up an escrima stick to defend him, but Deadpool wasn't attacking, he was--

He was--

Okay, Deadpool was kissing him. Nightwing made a sort of grunty surprised noise and debated pushing him off. They had been in a middle of a fight and even if the field bandage released painkillers, this couldn't be good for Dick's injured leg.

Of course, he was kissing back, but really, it wasn't like Nightwing ever _didn't_ kiss back. He had a reputation for being kind of easy. And Deadpool's skin was bumpy and scarred against his chin and he couldn't quite decide whether it felt really nice or extremely disturbing, but until he figured it out he couldn't see anything wrong with letting his escrima sticks fall down next to him and running his hands along Deadpool's back until he reached Deadpool's ass and he could _squeeze_ and pull closer, thrust into Deadpool's hip, their jocks were in the way but that stopped being a problem when Deadpool found the hidden seam in his costume and pushed it down.

"Wait," Nightwing said. "There's a--"

Deadpool yelped as the safeguard in Nightwing's costume electrified him.

"That," Nightwing said. But far from being out for the count, the jolts only excited Deadpool. He pulled Nightwing's cock out of his costume and rubbed it, his glove almost uncomfortable but not quite there. Nightwing bit out a moan and shoved Deadpool's costume down too, pulling out a cock as disturbingly scarred as the rest of his body.

It was quick and dirty and both of them came quickly. Deadpool rolled off of Nightwing and let out a breath. "You know, I don't think I've been quiet that long since that _'Nuff Said_ issue way back in my first ongoing series."

"I'm going to pretend any of that made sense," Nightwing said. He calmly pulled his pants back on, then promptly pushed Deadpool off the roof.

Deadpool screamed, and then there was a splat.

Nightwing somersaulted down and landed next to a very broken looking Deadpool.

"That wasn't very nice at all," Deadpool said as his body started knitting together the broken bones.

"Mmmhmm, I'm a terrible person. You'll live." Nightwing crouched next to him. "Listen, here's the deal. You leave my city and you never come back. I'll let you go this time--"

"Because we just had sex on a roof?" Deadpool asked.

Nightwing blushed a little. "Well, yes. If you leave now, fine. Come back, and, well, I won't be going easy next time. You'll be in so much pain you'll _wish_ you couldn't reheal."

"Uh huh, uh huh, Nightwing-Good-Deadpool-Bad yadda yadda." Deadpool sat up and tested his newly healed fingers. "_Fiiiine._ I only really, really needed the money anyway." He stood up and started ambling away. "Hey, wait a sec." He turned around. "I got a question."

"Somehow I doubt I could stop you from asking," Nightwing said.

"What if I come back and don't kill? You know, booty call?"

As far as Deadpool figured, the batarangs sticking out of his back as he very hurriedly left town were a totally cool souvenir.


End file.
